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After a small break…

As much as I like sex and as much as I like having it a lot sometimes (not often, but sometimes) it’s nice to have a small break from it. Well actually the break itself isn’t nice but going back to it after a small break can feel just amazing. Let me explain.

When you’re in the early stage of a relationship it’s wonderful feeling to get to know each other’s body. It’s all new and exciting and very passionate (at least it should be). You don’t see each other all the time so you’re pretty turned on and passionate when you do get the chance to explorer the new sexy person you’ve met. When time passes and you spend more time together sex can get even better but some of the exciment of dealing with something new disappears. It’s not a bad thing but seeing each other all the time and having sex often might make it less exciting. It’s like the difference between eating something exotic and special every now and then or every day – if you have it daily, it’s not that exotic anymore although you still like it.

So to get back that crazy passion and exciment it’s nice to have a little break from sex. When you don’t have it every time you feel like it you start to crave for it and want it even more. And when you finally do it, it’s just amazing. I’m not saying here people should start to have less sex – no way! – but if you do have it a lot a little break every now and then might spice up your sex life. It’s of course up to the couple how long the break needs to be to do the trick. For me and my man four days without sex was enough to drive us absolutely crazy and the sex we had after the break was really something else.

As I’ve wrote here before, we have a lot of sex. A lot of good sex. We have been together for three years and we live together but that hasn’t changed the fact we want each other a lot and often. I’ve never had had bad or even average sex with my man and this is no joke. It’s always good and he is a wonderful lover. He makes me feel sexy and he always considers me in the bed at least as much as himself. We’re comfortable with each other and kind of experimental – we like to spice up our sex life and try new things. Still though the exotic fruit isn’t as exotic if you have it every single day, so therefore this small four days break made the chemistry between us even stronger and the sex ever more passionate.

I felt like exploding all the time from the first kiss to the wonderful multiple orgasms he gave me. He was the same, I could definitely hear it and feel it. It was so good even thinking about it now makes me feel like exploding again. I wont be wanting to have these little breaks all the time or even every second week but it definitely is something I can consider doing sometime again.

Not my day

Today isn’t for me. First, I overslept. I still made it to university in time but rushing in the morning isn’t my thing. Then I had to study Swedish for three hours. For the record, I hate Swedish. I absolutely hate it. I think this hatred comes from the fact that in my country we have to study it in schools, even in universities. That’s because few percents of our population has Swedish as their mother tongue. Does this sound fair? No, it ain’t fair. But that’s the way it is, for now anyway.

There’s been a lot of talk about the fact and it might be changing. I hope it will. But what might happen in the future doesn’t help me right now. All I can say is that forcing people to study a language they very rarely if ever need is pure bullshit. And that’s why I was never motivated enough to actually learn it. So here I am, forcing myself to pass the course so I can get it over with and then just forget it all again.

Well after three hours of Swedish I actually had OK time for a while. That’s because I went to gym and took out my anger (towards Swedish) on weights and exercise bike. However, after killing my muscles in gym my bad luck continued. Once I got home I wanted to make a healthy smoothie with my newish blender. I thought it would be easy and quick snack to prepare. Well, I was wrong.

First it took ages to figure out how the blender actually works since it has so many different parts and pieces and I haven’t used most of them yet. Somehow I managed to use wrong parts first so I needed to fight all the ingredients into the right one. That was pretty messy. But messier it got when the smoothie was finally ready and I was pouring it into a glass. Suddenly one piece of the blender fell out and with it some of the smoothie splashed all over the kitchen and my clothes. So the next step was to strip down to my undies and wash my smoothie-covered clothes before raspberries and all the rest of it spoiled them permanently.

After I had finally got to drink my smoothie and relax a small bit my bf got up (he was sleeping cause needed to get up early in the morning). I believe I woke him with my smoothie making noises so he was grumpy. So getting into an argument with him was just like the icing on the cake!

And as if all that hadn’t been enough, I’m spending the rest of the night studying for university course which is probably the most boring one ever (after Swedish of course).

Vomiting ain’t pretty

Vomiting into a toilet bowl isn’t necessarily the most amazing way to start a new day. But that’s exactly what I was doing this morning. I got up, had a shower, drank my coffee, ate two eggs and started to fix my face when I suddenly started to feel very sick. About two minutes later that feeling was followed by vomiting my coffee and eggs into to the toilet bowl. How charming. Vomiting didn’t even take that sick feeling away and so I had to sit on the toilet floor and wait for another round – which happened after a little while. So there was no going to work today. I called in sick and spent the day on the couch.

Not sure what this sickness is but I guess it’s just some virus. There’s been a lot of people sick lately and even my bf was a bit ill just recently. I feel a bit better already so hopefully I’ll get to go to work tomorrow. After all laying on a couch gets boring real soon. Today my activities were surfing around the internet and reading blogs plus watching some weird movie from the 90’s that I didn’t even finish. Very exciting!

I feel OK when I’m laying down but as soon as I get up I start to get that sick feeling again. So unfortunately there’s no sexy time for me and my man tonight. I mean, yes, you can lie down while having sex but I think the movements would be enough to make me vomit again. And that wouldn’t be sexy at all! So for once I take control of my teenage-boy-hormones and hold my pants up… until tomorrow.

Oh yes. Last night we had one painful but absolutely hilarious sex accident that I’d like to share but not sure if my bf would like that. I mean, yes, I’m anonymous here but still, it’s just maybe a bit too private thing to share. Ah, I need to think about that one. I might come back to it later after all.

Anger

I hate negative people. Well no, I don’t hate them but I’m certainly not a big fan of them. I just don’t want to hear complaining about everything. Either do something to change the things that bother you or else leave it. If it’s something you can’t affect then what’s the point to moan about it? I’m certain moaning only makes you (and people around you) feel worse. It only builds up the negative feeling you’re having. So stop moaning!

Oh well. I’m not saying I’m some kind of saint when it comes to complaining. I do it too, everybody does. But I try not to. I try to keep it to a minimum. I understand too that people are not all the same and something that doesn’t bother me might bother somebody else. I don’t mind noise or places being messy or if things don’t go the way I planned them. In that way I’m pretty laid back person. I have my own flaws and neuroses but moaning about something small and pointless just isn’t one of them. (Although now it seems I am moaning about other people’s moaning lol.)

I also dislike people who have a negative attitude towards everything. These spoilsports have an amazing ability to destroy all the fun. There’s one woman like this at work and today she once again showed her true nature. In our meeting this morning someone brought up a great idea that most of us agreed with. Except her. Of course she had to say why she thinks it’s a bad idea and how we shouldn’t put it into practise. I’m not saying now everyone should always just agree and if you don’t you should keep it to yourself. Of course not. But with her this is always the case, no matter what it is about. I’m glad though it was her against seven other people so her opinion didn’t really matter. It actually got strongly ignored. Win!

Sometimes I would just want to scream at her “SMILE!!!” since she rarely does. Just smile and relax for God’s sake! But I don’t cause God knows what shit she would be talking about me then. Yes, there’s one more lovely character in her, and that is talking shit behind people’s backs.

I hate her.

Bored and sick

I changed my blog theme again. Got bored with the old one. Yes, I do get bored with things very easily, even with the smallest things. Like this blog theme. Or the way I walk to my door from the parking lot. There´s two parking lots near where I live and I keep changing where I park just so that I don’t need to walk to my door always the same way. From both parking lots it’s about 100 meters to my door. So it really should’t be a big deal. But it is because I get bored.

Last weekend wasn’t too exciting either. Friday I was working till late and Saturday just hanging around at home. Me and bf cleaned a bit and watched a movie called The Last Three Days. Russel Crowe was in it so it was good. Yesterday we had a brunch in one pub in the city. It was crowded and for a reason because the food was really good. There was basically everything: bread, croissants, different types of cheese, ham, salmon, Parisian potatoes, meatballs, scrambled eggs, fruit, vegetables, falafels, coffee, different juices, carrot cake, chocolate cake, cookies, ice cream… and more. We of course ate way too much and felt sick after but it was all worth it!

After that though we haven’t been very OK. Don’t know what it is but I just have weird headaches and tiredness and just don’t feel right. Bf is the same except worse, he feels weak and shaky and just sick. He was saying maybe it’s a food poisoning but I don’t think so. It didn’t start straight away after the brunch and we haven’t vomited or anything so it doesn’t really feel like that. Well whatever it is I hope it goes away soon cause I have a tough week ahead of me and a lot to do. Also it’s pretty shit to feel horny but then not be able to do much about it cause I feel sick at the same time and bf isn’t able to play with me now either. Frustrating!

Well I guess I better go to bed now and hope for the best with this weird illness… Need to work in a different city tomorrow so it will be a long day.

Oh yeah, we got more snow again last weekend. What’s that about? It’s end of March and it looks like Christmas time! I know this is Northern Europe but still. It should be SPRING now! They said on radio today that the weather should get warmer around next weekend. I really hope it will. That white fluffy stuff outside is really starting to drive me nuts.

Play station jealousy

My man is playing with his play station. And I’m here sitting and thinking of the ways to make him stop and play with me instead. Not that this little hobby of his was taking over our sex life since we do have a lot of sex still. But if you ask me I should have it anytime and every time I want!

I do understand that he enjoys other things than me too. He enjoys gaming online with the boys since that’s about the only way he can “spend time” with good old friends of his while living here in my Homeland. And I am happy for him being able to have this way to do something with them and have a laugh. He has this microphone thing that allows him to talk with them while playing so it’s more than just sitting in the silence and gaming. So yes, I know I should respect his hobbies (no matter how stupid they seem to me).

Still though… I wish he would just leave his joystick right now and give me his own to play with. I know too I could just go and try my luck but I don’t feel like interrupting him now. After all he does play with me a lot too so I shouldn’t complain.

So why do I still feel like being jealous of a play station?!

I want to see my ex in love

Last night I texted my ex. I haven’t been in touch with him in ages. Well there has been an occasional comment or two on facebook but not much more. He is living in a different city and has his own life there and I’m living my own here.

We used to be in touch a lot still after we had broke up but then we kind of just moved on. Which is kind of sad since I like him a lot. I don’t like him in that way, I just think he is a nice person and I wouldn’t mind to be in touch with him every now and then.

One reason for us not being in touch much anymore is his girlfriend. Well, that’s my theory at least. He never made it very clear but I have a feeling she is a bit jealous person and especially when it comes to me. I don’t blame her though. I can understand that. We have a long history together and were once very serious about each other.

Anyway, now I texted him. My mom told me he had called her to tell about his new business and to ask if my parents needed his services for their house. He also had told he now works in my city a few days in a week. When I heard this I figured I could contact him myself and see if he would be up for a coffee next time he is here. He replied saying he is now going back to his city but that he will be coming back here next week. He said maybe then we could go for a coffee.

Yes, there was the “maybe”. And I think it wasn’t just a meaningless maybe, I think it actually meant what it said, that the coffee is a maybe. A big one. I think our coffee depends on what his girlfriend says when he tells her I asked him to meet me. And I’m afraid she will say no. Because she is jealous. And I get that.

I wish though she understood we are just friends and there’s nothing more between us. We were over a long time ago. We broke up for a reason. And we both have moved on. He is happy with her. And I’m happy with my man. I don’t want to meet him to see if there is still something left. I know there isn’t. I just want to meet him cause he used to be important for me. And in a way he still is.

He used to be a huge part of my life. I grew up with him. God, I was about to marry him! I’ve known him for nearly 10 years! So is it so weird that I’d just like to catch up with him? It’s not that I want to be his best friend or even see him regularly. I’m not about to start calling and texting him all the time. It’s just that I wouldn’t want to totally lose him. I don’t want a big part of my history to just disappear.

I admit, I’ll probably always have a weak spot for him. No, not the kind of week spot that makes me dream about him or want him back. Just the friendly kind of week spot. He is a bit like a third big brother to me. Well not excatly but you get my point. He is a good person. One of the best ones I know if not the best. He is unbelievable kind.

That’s why I feel extremely bad about what I did to him. I hurt him in the worst possible way. And then I left him. I was young yes but that alone doesn’t explain what I did. I never forgave myself and I don’t think I ever will. It’s just too heart-breaking. He though did forgive me – which says a lot about him as a person.

When I did what I did and then after a while left him, he was so heart-broken I couldn’t face it. I felt so guilty. I still do. But it’s much better now when I know he is happy again. I used to hope so much he would meet somebody new, that we would fall in love again with someone who gave him what he deserved. When he did I felt relieved. My guilt was still there but the weight on my shoulders wasn’t as heavy anymore. He was happy so I felt better. I maybe broke his heart in the cruelest way but his heart recovered. He recovered. And found love again.

So there really is no way I’m not happy for him or want him to have his happiness with his girlfriend. That’s all I do want! This may be a selfish thing to say but when he is happy I feel better too. Then the guilt isn’t as massive. It’s not all about me though. I want him to be happy simply because I care about him.

And for the same reason I want to meet him. I want to see his smile, his happiness. I want to hear him describing his life with his girl. I want to look at him and know he is fine, more than fine. I want to see a man in love.

If only his girlfriend knew this.